By Sarah Breisch

“I don’t know how you manage seven. I can barely keep up with two!” I hear this often from women I meet while shopping or walking or any other activity to which I’ve brought along a few of my kids. I feel obliged to tell them the actual number of kids I have when they see two or three with me and ‘helpfully’ tell me that I’ve got my hands full.

I would like you to know, gentle readers, what a mother of seven thinks when she hears someone tell her that they can’t understand how she can handle that many when one, two, or (gasp) three children seem like too much.

My thoughts run thus: Either she is an inept mother, or I am extraordinary one. Neither of these are true. We are both good mothers. She works just as hard raising her children as I do mine. The number of kids one has is ultimately irrelevant; having more or less does not make one more or less of a parent.

We both “succeed” at being good mothers when we attend to the needs of our children and raise them up to be wonderful people. No, my friend, I am not amazing because I have seven kids and am still functioning, nor are you somehow deficient because you have fewer and feel overwhelmed. We both do our best with our own circumstance, and that is what matters.

Of course I don’t articulate all of this in the produce section while my two-year-old is trying to eat all the grapes. I just shrug and say something like “Oh, I don’t manage.” So now this woman thinks I’m not only crazy, but possibly dangerous. Or hopefully she understands that I do not want to diminish her work as a parent by thinking too highly of my own.

As I have matured along with my children, however, there have been a few habits that have developed in my household that makes life with a large family possible. Over the next few weeks, I would like to share some of the strategies that have helped me get along with the crowd of wonderful, fascinating, and unique people whom I have helped to come into the world.

These topics will include:

• Grocery shopping/ meal preparation
• Clothing and laundry
•  General cleaning and chores
• Mental and emotional development
• Toys
• Using space well
• Family time and personal time

​Everyone has a different set of circumstances that make their day-to-day living more or less of a challenge. Some of us rent, and we cannot control our living conditions to some extent. Some of us do not have the support of a partner who is invested in the care of their children. Some of our children may present with special needs or challenges of their own. I hope that these words will enable any parent to feel encouraged, inspired, or even just amused.

By Melony Williams

​So, I have been thinking a lot about our group conversation after viewing Resilience and how I was struck by the fact that so many caring and committed members of our community were in the room and wanting to make positive change.  I have also been thinking of how to get started and how to maintain the energy and momentum we generated.

Maggie and I were on the radio with Steve Smith of WCNL on Monday and some of my thoughts started to come together. The three of us had a great conversation about how parenting is a challenge and how it feels when we recognize and support each other’s efforts. I shared about how we at TLC view this as a parallel process, noting that how we support each other starts with Maggie supporting me, moves to me supporting our amazing staff members, to them supporting parents and ending with parents supporting their children. Really taking the time to notice each other and to take a moment to share our positive reflections can make such a difference.

Do you remember the last time this happened to you? I just had this experience this morning and it made me feel recognized, like I want to keep going and maybe even do better. So, maybe that is how we get started. Maybe we keep our eyes open and notice when someone around us is doing something well, especially in regard to parenting but it could be other things as well. If a mom is remaining calm despite her child’s tantrum at the store or a father is laughing with his child as they play … what if we take a moment to tell that person what we noticed and how we felt?

I think something as small as this can change a day, help a person keep going and start the process of building Resilience in our community. Thanks for reading.

We are still trying to get a date to show Resilience at the Claremont Opera House in the evening and will keep you posted on that!

Melony Williams is a Clinical Supervisor at TLC Family Resource Center.